Do I love me or do I love you?

I just started dating my friend.  She was the inspiration behind such notable posts as Men and Women and Arbitrary Things I Love.  In short, I love her.

I've also started reading a book on long-term exclusive relationships that begin with a covenantal promise (Tim Keller's new book).

While it may appear intentional, it's really just happenstance that the relationship and reading are happening at the same time.  Really.

Whatever the case may be, my girlfriend and my book have caused me to think a lot about relationships and how they continue or fall apart.  One strong point the author makes in the book is the importance of denying one's self to serve and love the other.  We, the people, have a strongly self-centered nature bent on seeking the fulfillment of our dreams and desires and the easing of our aches and pains before we focus on others.  I won't go into all the detail and description that the author does, but I would like to say that I'm convicted by this truth.

I am radically self-centered.  To determine the exact degree to which I suffer this awful curse, divide the number of "I's" in this post by the total number of words.  It's got to be over 100%.  Seriously though, I am.  I try and fight it, but there are moments where I can't help but grumble "Why, oh why, am I driving home again this weekend?  Oh yeah, I love her."  My particular species of self-centeredness lends itself to a lack of generosity with my time, talents, and treasure.  I am easy to declare something as "not worth it."  This is not healthy for relationships with guys, girls, or God.

Love and self-centeredness are mutually exclusive.  They cannot coexist.  I cannot love my brother or my sister and seek what is best for them while still pursuing my own lusts and selfish ambitions.  We all recognize that some level of compromise is necessary in a relationship; what we don't recognize is how far we need to go sometimes.  It always comes to a point of decision; love others or love yourself.

I love Katie and I enjoy the drive home to see her.  However, I need to work on loving others selflessly and not indulging my Joel-centered thoughts/feelings/focus.